Jen (Player Obscur: Position 1 / All Your Chase Are Belong To Us)

The Bengals SuperStack, a.k.a., "we're going to score 900,000 points every game because we don't have a defense." Maybe not the best strategy IRL, but fantastic for fantasy. Actually, throw George Pickens in that bucket too. Did you guys hear the Cowboys traded Micah Parsons? Anyway, Chase Brown was an accidental autopick, but he should be a great RB2. Obviously the risk with a team like this is that if Cincinnati has an overall bad game, you're in trouble. But when everything is clicking, caveman brain make big number go up is always fun.

Either way, We Continue. With the draft because that's just how it works

Best Pick: Darnell Mooney (14-168) was solid last year and the Falcons offense should be better with a full season of Michael Penix (assuming he doesn't suck) 

Best Name: It's Isaac TeSlaa, not Isaac TesLAaAh

Grade: B(engals)

Collin (John Luck Pickerds)

Really good looking floor overall here. Brock is the best tight end in the league until further notice, Conner is an eternally solid RB2, and Calvin Ridley should be getting approximately 40 targets a game from Cam Ward. I've never been a Javonte Williams believer, but as a flex play he's probably fine, since he should probably be the Week 1 starting RB in Dallas (Did you guys know the Cowboys got rid of Micah Parsons?). Similar logic applies to Austin Ekeler with the Commanders. Unexciting but solid.

Best Pick: Brock Purdy (9-98) as QB1, I think he's my favorite of the guys who were going in that sort of tier. 

Best Name: I think I've used all of the good ones here already but you can never go wrong with a good old-fashioned John Christian Kaʻiminoeauloamekaʻikeokekumupaʻa Fairbairn. Also GG on monopolizing the Brock economy.

Grade: Super solid floor but maybe not the best ceiling B 

Sean (Big Dick Kickers)

Are those who are performing the kicks of large stature themselves? Or are only exclusively large penises being kicked, with small ones escaping unscathed? These are important questions that must be answered. 

FantasyPros' automatic analysis doesn't like this roster, but I actually think it's full of shit, and that this is one of the best looking starting lineups in the league. Yes, the Saints are going to be straight ass, but you know what that means? 400 dump-off targets to Kamara every game. Garrett Wilson has been a rock solid fantasy receiver for multiple years, while on the fucking Jets of all teams. Josh Jacobs should have a lot of fantasy-friendly game scripts, as the Packers go run-heavy to grind out the clock after their defense (recently joined by Micah Parsons, in case you haven't heard) helps to maintain 4th quarter leads.

Best Pick: Brenton Strange (13-147), who I've seen floating around various lists and articles as a possible TE1 breakout, since the Jags got rid of Evan Engram, and I guess their new OC is gonna fuck shit up 

Best Name: tee hee hee "cameron" tee hee

Grade: Really good as long as injuries don't happen (you're welcome for the jinx 😘) B+

John (SiRSWiSH123)

Kind of too many Browns for my taste - Njoku is a really good TE, but I have no idea how that offense or backfield is gonna shake out. Kyler is great in fantasy but probably won't see the field unless Josh gets hurt. And Joe Mixon might miss a lot of time. But, the receiving corps on this team is super strong. 

Best Pick: Jordan Addison is a free WR2 with WR1 potential at that price, when he comes back. Assuming that Adam "the oldest man in the world" Thielen will get mostly relegated to the bench when that happens. Also, it's pretty crazy value that Aaron Rodgers' presumably top target (Metcalf) lasted until the 5th round. 

Best Name: Cleveland Joseph Harris the Third, or as his friends call him, Tre'. (What is the apostrophe abbreviating? Trey? Tres? Congrats you shortened 4 characters into 4 characters) 

Grade: Fucking 0/100 for knocking me out of fantasy baseball when I actually had a decent team for once you fuck. But also like B because even with all the mean things I put above it's got Josh Allen so that's like 5 or 6 free wins right there. Which is a similar amount of incremental wins the Packers might have this year after adding Micah Parsons to the defense. 

Alec (Ghost Bear Elemental)

I don't know if Travis Hunter is going to get points for interceptions and stuff while he's on defense. I'm just gonna let it roll however Sleeper handles it by default. 

I think this team is too boom-or-bust for my taste, due to reliance on rookies (Henderson, Hunter) and guys in new situations (Engram, Robinson, Kupp). And also that's kind of just how Tyreek operates nowadays. 

Best Pick: Arizona Cardinals (14-164) since I technically made it, and because holy shit Spencer Rattler is gonna suck. Also I think J.J. McCarthy (11-125) will actually be really really solid: a game-manager type that quietly racks up points via an insane collection of skill players. 

Best Name: Yeah I got nothing. I am realizing this bit has fully run dry, but not nearly as dry as Cowboy fans' hopes after they sold Micah Parsons for peanuts last week. 

Grade: Obviously everyone will boom the week that I play this team since I'm out here talking shit. C+

Austin (Self-Lubricating Ditkas)

At first I thought something malfunctioned with the Sleeper API when I exported the draft data and saw Josh Gordon in there. Also he's already been replaced, but this is a draft grade, not a right-after-the-draft grade.

Not really any big holes here that I can tell. RJ Harvey is a little jank I think but as a RB3/flex he's fine. The only "weakness" is probably Stroud as the only QB, only because I think he would have been still available a couple rounds later. I think Houston is definitely going to be the team in Texas to watch this year, since the Cowboys traded Micah Parsons to the Packers. 

Best Pick: Very obviously Josh Gordon but probably actually Courtland Sutton (4-42). Has always been solid and should finally reach his potential barring a Bo Nix sophomore slump. Also Ricky Pearsall (7-79), since he started getting really good last year once he got the opportunity. 

Best Name: Jacory Croskey-Merritt, although apparently he likes to be called Bill.

Grade: A(ustin)

Jon (Straight To Jalen, Right Away)

I reminded myself why I never go for early QB and TE. First four rounds looking really good, but then I started flailing. Hopefully Tet is as advertised and Bryce Young throws exclusively to him. On the other side of Rice's suspension, this team is looking a lot better, I just have to not dig into a big hole before then. 

Then in the late rounds I just spammed some tryhard sleeper RB picks, as you do. Come onnnn Madden Curse, Will Shipley league winner let's goooo 🤞

Best Pick: Jaylen Warren (7-80) is my only mid-round pick that I'm really happy with. He finally doesn't have Najee Harris in his way, and I don't think Aaron Rodgers will tolerate rookie mistakes from the RB they drafted, because he's a dick. Speaking of Steelers legends, their defense (13-152) should be really good. TJ Watt is basically the Micah Parsons of the AFC, who coincidentally plays for Rodgers' old team now. 

Best Name: WOO-DY MARKS DOO DOO DO-DO DO-DO WOO-DY MARKS DOO DOO DO-DO DO-DO WOO-DY MARKS DOO DOO DO-DO DO-DO WOO-DY MARKS

Grade: B+ because I'm biased but there is a lot of potential for this to crash and burn super hard 

Chris (I Be Shittin' (IBS))

My fellow rainbow-strats bro, going for each of the four offensive positions in the first four rounds. I think this RB group definitely has more upside than mine -- I defintely had Swift at the top of my queue in round 6 -- but then I'm kind of like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ for the rest of it. 

Best Pick: Rhamondre Stevenson (11-129), because unless he's fully out for the whole year I'm not convinced that TreVeyon Henderson is just going to immediately the steal the entire workhorse role from him.

Best Name: Luther Burden just sounds cool as fuck honestly. I'm imagining like an evil counterpart of Luke Cage or something. 

Grade: A- if CMC stays healthy, otherwise B-. So I guess B-. Also maybe I'm subconsciously biased against having multple Bears starters. The Packers are much better, especially since they have Micah Parsons now. 

Emil (Heavy is the Crown)

Every Jeanty team I see is just a worse version of Meshuggah. But also I'm not sure I believe in him as an RB1, by which I really mean, I'm not sure I believe in the Raiders offense as a whole. RB the rest of the way is a little thin too, but the Jayden/Terry stack should be awesome. Not sold on Kincaid, even as TE2, after his regression last year, but Tyler Warren is likely going to be one of the top targets for whoever the Colts shove out there at QB. 

Best Pick: Matthew Golden (6-82) assuming that the Packers' rich and vibrant history of whiffing on first-round picks does not continue. Although, did you hear the news that the Packers traded their next two first-round picks for Micah Parsons? 

Best Name: Cam Skatt--badoobitydobbitybleebadob bopdopadepepbibblydobbydibbbybadop. He's the Skat man!

Grade: Too many question marks for me personally but that's just like my opinion man C+

Connor (The Boner Will Rise Again)

The only person I see on this list where I"m like "nah" is JK Dobbins, just because of his injury history. But he'll probably be absolute fire in the flex spot for both weeks he's fully healthy. CeeDee and Nico are both incredible to the point that adding Mike Evans is almost unnecessary, but then Walker/Pollard should be a really good RB duo anyways. 

Packers D/ST might be a little shaky against the Lions Week 1, but they could be a genuine set-it-and-forget-it option for just about the whole year, thanks to the Micah Parsons acquisition. I don't know if you guys heard about that yet but it really happened. 

Best Pick: Ollie Gordon (11-131) because I wanted him 😞. Legit RB1 potential with a deep pick, similar to Packers legend James Robinson from the Jags like 5 years ago or whenever that was that he was good.

Best Name: Bhayshul Tuten, surely there's gotta be a joke in there about Tutenkhamen's penis or something (don't worry the link is fine)

Grade: Genuinely A+ I think, but keep in mind I did basically no research for this so enjoy your disaster team lol 

Ben (The Big Boners (AI))

Mostly autodraft

Not really much to say about an autodraft. It's got Mahomes so it's fine. TE is pretty weak. Other positions are more boom-or-bust than I would prefer.

Best Pick: F̶̹́̆̀͝Ŏ̸͔̼͇̏̀̒͊R̴̨̛̩͓̈̃͜Ḃ̶̡̄̈͝Í̸̪̱͍͖̪͆͗́̃Ḓ̸̔̋̏̈́͘D̷̹͔͛̄E̶̡̘̘̜̙̓N̴̦͇̭͔̰̈́͊͗

Best Name: Colston Loveland 😉

Grade: C but again it's an autodraft so who gives a fuck